Barrett,

Every day, little one, you get bigger and more alert, smiling more often, making more noises, and so000 cuddly! Your brother is absolutely in love with you and wants to lay next to you whenever he gets the chance. People ask us if he’s jealous of you but we don’t think so, he just wants to cuddle.

At some point nearly every day I hold you close to me, pull you in so that I can lay my cheek against your cheek, and tell you that I am here. “Hi baby. It’s your Mama.” I repeat over and over. Sometimes I just cry, so completely in love with you, knowing that this will likely be the last time I hold one of my own children in my arms, so tiny and new. I try to soak up every ounce of our time together. Sometimes your brother gets a little jealous and asks me to put you in the pack-n-play so that we can play together but after he goes to bed, it’s all about you.

Christmas was different with a newborn, but like we always do, we try to roll with the punches and make the best of it. Our family gets together in the evenings and with early bedtimes, we tend to miss some of the fun stuff like presents and even the big meal this year, but we did the play first so you got to be in your very first Christmas nativity play!

Meanwhile, in true toddler fashion, your brother refused to participate in any productive way and walked around banging the shepherd’s cane on the floor and sufficiently distracting everyone from what was actually going on “on stage.” You on the other hand were a perfect Baby Jesus. You pulled off the “sweet sleeping baby” part rather well.

Memories from this month of your life:

• You’re favorite place is still in my arms, where you fall asleep almost immediately and wake up the second I lay you down.
• You are beginning to follow my voice across the room as your try to turn your head toward wherever I am.
• You make us work for smiles but when we finally get one it’s so worth it – your whole face lights up!
• We had our annual family photos this month and instead of dragging a newborn out into the cold to get a few posed shots, we asked our photographer to come to our house and take some pictures of us in your nursery. This is what our life looks like right now, so it was the perfect place for pictures. You were the perfect little model until we took your diaper off for a couple of shots and you peed all over your crib sheets. Game over.

Tonight, as we were resting on the on the couch, I laid down next to you and tried to “just be” as they say. Breathe and rest and enjoy the moment with my newborn son. Your brother taught me how to love a child and you are certainly reaping the rewards. I know how quickly this time will pass and I’m trying to be very intentional about spending time with you and enjoying this season of life.

Love you,

Mama

Barrett,

Welcome, baby boy!

You were born on October 27, 2014 after 8 weeks of painful Braxton Hicks and 25 hours of true labor. Contractions started a few days before your actual due date which was October 31st, so that morning we started making phone calls to arrange for Brantley to stay with your Nana and Papa for the weekend and also for someone to care for Shadow so Mommy and Daddy could both stay in the hospital with you for a few days after you were born.

Around 12:30 we called all of your grandparents to tell them that we were headed to the hospital after a few last-minute stops. One of these included dropping off Brantley at the office so Nana could watch him for the rest of the afternoon. We sent Nana a message letting her know we were on our way to the office but when we arrived she wasn’t even there! Apparently we had called right as the ladies were getting ready to eat lunch, and Nana left the kitchen and went to her van. She left without a word and while they thought she was just going back to her desk to get her cup, she was driving straight to the hospital. Meanwhile, we were driving to the office to drop off an overnight bag for Brantley and got some “going to the hospital” photos with your great-aunt and great-grandmother.

Conveniently it was Pumpkin Spice Donut Day at Krispy Kreme (the ONLY day they served these!) so we drove by Krispy Kreme on the way to the hospital for a last minute treat before the craziness began. We checked into the hospital but didn’t stay long because we weren’t yet far enough into the process to get admitted. So we went home, let Shadow out, had dinner at Plaza Azteca – the waiter probably thought I was crazy as I was still having regular contractions and just sat there still as can be, leaning slightly toward the window so no one could see the grimacing ugly face I was making every 3-4 minutes. After dinner, we drove to Nana and Papa’s house again to play with Brantley for a little while but very quickly we realized it was time to go back to the hospital and this time they admitted us immediately.

Hours later, you were ready to enter the world but just like your brother, you were positioned sunny-side up and no matter what we tried there was no moving you. Two hours of pushing later and after weighing our options, we finally decided on a C-section. We were rolled into the OR and much different from our experiences with your brother which was a very rushed, very frantic environment, the doctors and nurses were all very relaxed and we were jamming out to Oldies while they prepped for surgery. You entered the world at 5:47am to the tune of Walk Like a Man and we were overjoyed.

After a quick assessment by the NICU nurses, you were brought to me and we layed together for a long time with your Daddy by our side. It was such a precious moment that I will never forget and you seemed so content and perfect in every way. It wasn’t long before we were in the recovery room and your grandmothers were able to come visit you. They had waited all night long to see you and by 6:30am they were both probably beyond exhausted but never showed it – they were just so happy to meet their newest grandson!

We spent a few wonderful days (wonderful in the cuddling sense but not so much in the getting-rest sense) in the hospital loving on you, taking naps, getting a quick lesson on what life is like with a newborn again. Your brother came to visit you with Nana and Nanny, both so excited to hold you this time. When we opened the door Brantley was standing there with a teddy bear that he had picked out for you. He very quickly tossed the bear to the side and played with us for almost half an hour before you made a little noise and he finally realized there was a baby in the room.

When I picked you up out of the hospital crib and brought you over to him, he immediately ran over to where he had thrown the bear to the side, brought it over to where we were sitting, and shoved it in your face. He also wanted to read you a book, which nearly brought me to tears. He’s already so infatuated with his little brother and it was the first time we had a glimpse of the lifelong friendship the two of you will always share, even if it’s freckled with sibling rivalry and competitive fights.

We day we were discharged from the hospital, we dressed you in the overalls that your brother and Daddy both wore home from the hospital, took a few photos, and we were on our way. Your brother was quite sick so Daddy stayed at home with Brantley while you and I spent our first night at Nana and Papa’s house. Nana was happy to have us there but I was anxious to get home and be with my little family.

The day we made it home was Halloween, just in time to figure out what costume your brother was going to wear and get ready to host friends at our house for our annual get-together with friends. It was probably more than we needed to commit to having a 4 day-old newborn but it was fun regardless. When we pulled in the driveway, we were greeted with a sign made by Nana that was perfect for the current status of our house – a full blown construction site:

• We have to hold you upright to minimize reflux after your meals so I take that opportunity to kiss your cheeks over and over until your squinty face tells me you’ve probably had enough of my torture.
• You make the sweetest little noises after you eat, you sound so happy!
• You rolled from tummy to back at just 2 weeks old. You did it 3 times in one day but never again.
• Sleep. You sleep ALL DAY LONG. Daddy jokes that you are a narcoleptic baby.
• Speaking of sleep, you always fall asleep when someone is holding you, even if it looks like the most uncomfortable position or if we are messing with you trying to wake you up. You will sleep right through it. It isn’t until we let you down comfortably that you finally wake up.
• First smile: November 6, 2016.
• When your brother gets home from school he immediately runs over to the pack-n-play to look at you. He likes to give you his version of kisses – kissing his finger then putting his finger to your mouth or head, which is what I used to do to him at night.
• Brantley loves to share his toys with you and on any given day we’ll find an assortment of toys in your pack-n-play beside you – balls, cars, trucks, his babydoll, anything he has that he wants to share.

Your favorite place to be is cuddled up on my chest. It doesn’t take you long to find your perfect position – your tiny little hands up underneath your head, your feet tucked underneath you as tight as a ball as if you were still in my tummy. I imagine you can hear my heartbeat again and to you it just feels like home.

When I hold you, I often remind myself that this will likely be the last time I have a baby this young so I cover you with kisses and snuggle into your neck constantly so that I can always remember what it feels like to hold one of my newborn baby boys. I hold my cheek against yours and feel the softness of that newborn skin hoping to never forget this feeling of being a “new” mom.

Love you, Bubba.

Your Mama