Brantley: 12 Months

Oh Brantley,

You’re not a “baby” anymore, you’ve officially moved up in ranks to “toddler” and your Mama is having a hard time figuring out how I feel about that. They always say that time flies, it goes so fast, cherish every moment. They weren’t kidding. The other day, I was looking at the canvas on your nursery wall that shows you as 2 week-old newborn laying on our bed, and I just started to cry. I sat there staring at your tiny hands and feet, the way your eyes squinted facing the light from the afternoon sun, the little up-turned nose, dark brown hair, and that newborn smooshed face that only lasted a few weeks. And I wondered how it’s been a whole year already.

Every morning I go into your room after a long night of sleep and you are usually already awake and sitting up in your crib entertaining yourself with your blankets and the lovey embroidered with your personal hashtag (still his favorite, thanks Andy & Shannon). When you see the door open your head pops up and you give me the most amazing smile. Your eyes still squint, now when you smile or laugh. You still have that same up-turned nose, and your dark hair has been replaced by a shade of blonde that lightens in the sun with curls that line the back of your neck and fall behind your ears. Your hands and feet are a little bigger, and chunky rolls have replaced those lean arms and legs. But a year later, I can still see the same tiny newborn I once so easily cradled in one arm.

When you were just a few months old, as I was struggling with the thought of eventually having a toddler, kindergardener, pre-teen, etc. I asked the mom of one of my patients how she ever felt “ready” for those milestones. I just couldn’t imagine having a “big kid”, going on field trips, sending you away for summer camps, and I couldn’t even let myself think about the eventual day you leave for college or move away from home. At the time I felt so completely overwhelmed by all of the coming milestones of your life. I feel like we’re still figuring this parenting thing out, so how will we ever be prepared for the bigger changes life will bring?

Her answer was so simple: “You grow with them.”

I don’t have to be ready or prepared for the day you become an adult, or even the first day you get on a school bus. I just have to take the responsibilities of this one day and enjoy it as much as possible.

You’ll grow up and we’ll grow with you, but until then I’ll just take one day at a time.

Happy First Birthday, Brantley.

We love you.