Alarm clocks

I have very few pet peeves.  I don’t mind the toilet seat up or the toilet paper put on the roller backwards.  I don’t care if you are a bad driver and you drive too slow when it’s raining.  It doesn’t even bother me when people track dirt into my house. My carpets are already ruined, please add to the mess, it’s really ok. I’ll just buy a groupon for professional carpet cleaning and feel all great about myself that I saved 59% off the regular price. 

But… there is absolutely no way on God’s green earth that I can adequately or effectively explain how much I HATE the sound of repeated ticking, beeping, and ringing noises. My parents used to sit us down for family dinners and if the phone rang, we would hear that ever present “Just let it ring” from my mom, and now that I think about it I think it also drove my dad nuts because the two of us would start twitching like the auditory stimulus was hitting our neuromuscular system and we had no control over the adverse reactions of this God forsaken noise that just kept ringing over… and over… and over… and over… and over… and over… and over… and over… and over… and over……….

and over…

and over…

and over…….

SEE?????!!!!!!  You’re annoyed with just READING about it!!! 

[take a breath.]

I truly cannot find the words to appropriately explain how much I hate ticking and beeping and ringing, so I’m gonna have to quote Dane Cook on this:

‘“There are certain sounds in this world that when you hear them, they make you react in different ways. There are certain sounds that when they float into your eardrum, and go high into your cerebellum… you hear the sound and you react in a certain way. Some sounds: soothing, right?  You hear the sound of a babbling brook… maybe the sound of the dryer with the towels… but then there are certain sounds in this world that, for whatever reason, just the way it hits you, it makes you want to punch a baby.

It makes you want to PUNCH A BABY.”

So… (Mom: stop reading, ignore the curse word, or just go pray for me later) I got a text today that read: “Have you ever laid in bed for five minutes just staring at your loud-ass alarm clock, hoping you could turn it off with your mind?”

And my first thought was, no, because “God help me!  IT’S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH INFANTS!”